Now on to my latest freak out. Today I had lunch at the Westin Waterfront Hotel. I ate at City Bar because the folks at MJ O’Connor’s had staffed their host station with inept, inconsiderate and ill-mannered teenagers. I have nothing against teens – except maybe their acne and attitude and general gangly, uninformed nature – so I was very open-minded when I approached the host stand looking for a table.

After receiving one of those table-buzzer devices and being informed that it would be fifteen minutes until a table was ready, I wandered around the hotel lobby for a bit. Nearly eight minutes later I went up to the gaggle of idiot hostesses and asked how much longer. I showed them my table vibrator and they looked it up on their list. All three of them practically in unison told me that it shouldn’t be much longer.

“Just about 15 minutes,” they said.

WHAT THE HECK?!! That was actually the same amount of time I had been told when I started this restaurant visit. So, here are my questions for the restaurant or you, dear readers (leave your answers in the comments here or send them to MJ O’Connor’s)…

1 – Does it really take three teenagers to manage the lunch rush at your restaurant? Especially when two of the three avoid eye contact and don’t interact with customers and are just standing there to fold napkins and shuffle menus?

2 – Have you considered training any of these kids so they know how to read a clock and realize that 15 minutes minus eight minutes does not equal 15 minutes?

3 – Would you consider using Textaurant or some other product so that people waiting for tables won’t get so fed up with waiting for tables while watching extra bodies stand around your seating area?

4 – How many visits will I have to make before I’ve taken all your vibrating table alert devices and put them in mailboxes all over the city – just to get your attention that the front of the house needs some reworking?

5 – Has anyone told the host staff to suggest diners go over to City Bar if they can’t wait a long time for a table? That’s where we ate and found out they serve off the same menu as MJ O’Connor’s.

I shake my head and wag my finger. If money was growing on the trees around me, I wouldn’t be so fussy. But if I’m gonna spend $13 for Bangers and Mash, I feel that the people seating me, serving me and providing my dining experience should put in some effort to make it memorable in a good way.

Feel free to share your best or worst recent restaurant visit.

Also see this story in the Guardian in the UK.

As shown in this photo from the Guardian story, gas pumps in the UK had to be locked up because Greenpeace activists were taking the nozzles off of pumps to bring attention the spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Here’s what I think of that……

1 – It might make people aware of the spill IF THEY HAVE JUST COME OUT OF A CAVE and didn’t know about the spill

2 – It’s totally unsafe and if a pump were authorized by mistake, gasoline would then spill all over the ground at the station causing a local spill that would have a pretty severe environmental and safety issue. I’m guessing Greenpeace would probably protest that too, but I don’t know how.

3 – Moves like this don’t really hurt BP – as I’ve pointed out in other blog posts – they only injure the owner or lessor of the station. This move doesn’t get corporate attention or affect their activities or attitude. Other than make them angry at extremists and cause them to spend more money on securing their pumps. Money that they ARE currently spending to clean up the spill in the Gulf.

4 – When BP finally throws in the towel, it won’t matter how much stomping and whining the folks at Greenpeace do, there will be no organization and no money to remedy the spill in the Gulf. Further action by Greenpeace only moves the company closer to that edge.

5 – And when informed of these factors, whipper snappers from Greenpeace just say, “well, we’re just getting the message out.” What message? That you’re idiots who drank the Kool-Aid and haven’t taken any time to look at the more complicated issues of life in 2010?

Do you wonder why I frequently brush past these kids, as they stand on the sidewalk with a clipboard in their hands? I don’t. And I also feel much better about my standard comment to them.

I usually say, “I hate this planet, call me when you colonize Mars.” It’s about as mature as the kids who believe blindly in Greenpeace’s message and approach, but I never said I was a grown-up.

What’s your take on extremism? On social causes? On the BP oil spill? Would love to hear your POV. Thanks.

You know why?

Because it’s SHARK WEEK and everything they do this week is about wiping those horrid creatures off the face of the Earth.

OK. I know that’s not really true. And I know – or have heard – that it’s pretty unlikely that a shark will ever bite me, especially if I remain so deadly afraid of the big fishes that I let nary a toe into oceans, seas, bays, bayous and other waterways that might harbor these creatures.

I have also heard – and seen – that shark fishing is fun. In fact, while doing some of the reporting down here I talked with a guy named Tom Steber who runs a sport-fishing business. He takes people into the Gulf to catch really big fish. I got him on video to tell me that sharks are taking over the world and the Discovery Channel has it all wrong. OK, that’s another fib. Tom was fantastic and gave me some really good info on sharks and shark week and the oil spill. Give this a look and listen.

Can you say absent? Or abandon? Well, I didn’t quite abandon the 2010 Tour de France but I have taken a long ride in the SAG wagon. You see, the combination of Lance’s diminishing chances for success along with a slew of content-creation projects have had me on the ropes.

Similar to the thousands of miles the peleton has traveled this year, I’m doing the same in the Gulf of Mexico for the next couple weeks. I’m actually watching the 52KM Time Trial from the seatback monitor on JetBlue Flight 401 to New Orleans.

As I type this, both Lance and Levi have finished and all the riders are on the road. Contador sits eight seconds ahead of Schleck after yesterday’s stage and today will tell what happens.

*I have two hours left in my flight, so I suspect I’ll be able to see the end of the stage before I land but this won’t get posted until Saturday afternoon.

What are my thoughts on the 2010 Tour? I’m queasy. I don’t like the fact that Contador is brash and perhaps uncouth when it comes to etiquette. I hate the fact that a cycling hero of mine (and presumably a great many other folks) is going out without a podium visit, looking human. And I wonder if going to Paris every other year will hold the same intrigue for me as it has in the past.

Similar to my baseball addiction of the early 1980s, cycling has been my drug of choice since 1998 or so. But as with our national pastime, I’m starting to not recognize a lot of the player names. George Hincapie might not ride next year. Cadel Evans might retire. Lance is done.

Further, what happens to the cycling opportunities I once chased? Without a lightning rod in the race light Lance, how will Versus maintain its advertising dollars and revenue. People tune in to see US riders. There are some left but few contenders.

Conversely, I would be thrilled to be able to follow the tour on a scooter around all of France. And in doing so not have to fight the crowds that have polluted the last ten years of the race. Ugly Americans being fat on international TV isn’t helping our brand as polite visitors who are there to enjoy a century-old sporting event.

Without competition for hotels and resources, I’ll likely be able to enjoy the Tour as never before. And perhaps bring you readers a more intriguing and fun recount of the race.

Melancholy, they name is the United States’ flirtation with cycling.

Stage 20 is tomorrow. Stage 19 still has about 40 minutes to go. At the end of today we’ll know how the podium looks. I hope Contador’s chain gets stuck for nine seconds and both he and Schleck finish today’s stage with the same stage time.

That would mean tomorrow as they ride into France, Contador would have to decide whether decorum or greed and the spotlight are his driving forces. Wouldn’t it be cool to see Schleck ahead by one second starting tomorrow’s final stage?

My fingers are crossed for a good result.

Thoughts?

A day after Independence Day, there was a post in the Boston Globe that talked about how the Massachusetts Registry of Motor Vehicles was going to start cracking down on scooter owners who improperly register their vehicles. Isn’t this a wildly ridiculous extension of the “ignorance of the law is no defense” clause?

I’d say so, mostly because a first-time scooter owner often knows less about the state regulations governing these odd little vehicles than do the folks at the registry, the traffic department employees, the mayor of Boston and even the local news reporters. Essentially, the government is now holding scooter buyers to a higher standard than they are their own employees.

Let me explain the regulations as I understand them…

A moped is a motorized two-wheeled vehicle that can attain speeds up to 30MPH and has an engine size smaller than 50cc in volume. This vehicle needs a registration sticker, but does not need a plate and does not need to be insured. It can be parked pretty much wherever a bike can be parked.

A scooter is a motorized two-wheeled vehicle that can attain speeds between 30 and 40MPH and has an engine size smaller than 50cc in volume. This vehicle now needs an LU plate, needs to be insured, and technically cannot be parked legally on the sidewalk.

A motorcycle is a motorized two-wheeled vehicle with an engine size 50cc and above. It doesn’t matter if this vehicle is as small as a moped or if it can only travel at 14MPH. It needs a plate, it needs insurance and it cannot be parked on the sidewalk.

For all of these vehicles, you need a driver’s license to operate them. (Remember, this is my understanding – you might NOT need a license for the moped.)

And here is my mini rant about the news handed down today and the existing attitude toward scooters/mopeds/motorcycles in this state…

Parking rules should be based on physical size of a vehicle, not its engine size. When did we decide that two-wheeled vehicles should be governed based on engine volume? If we had the same rules for cars, then four-cylinder, six-cylinder and eight-cylinder cars would all be treated differently. My scooter (a 125cc engine) is smaller than most 50cc engine scoots, yet it must take up an entire parking space. Dumb.

People who buy vehicles shouldn’t be held to a higher knowledge standard than the folks at the AGENCY TASKED WITH ISSUING REGISTRATIONS!! If the person behind the counter at the Registry of Motor Vehicles tells me my vehicle needs a certain type of plate, I believe them. Their job is to know the law. Their job is to know the vehicle and what registration it needs. If they don’t, they should be fired and replaced with folks who DO know the law. This is the same as holding a car owner responsible for knowing all the regulations pertaining to their vehicle. Let’s not be classist when it comes to vehicle registration. Require the Registry personnel to do their job. Dumber.

Find a way to get all state agencies on the same page with enforcement and registration issues. Right now you can park a scooter anywhere on a sidewalk in Boston without fear of a ticket. If you get one, the parking department has PROMISED that it will be dismissed if you fight it. Your scooter can be ANY size and can have ANY plate. (This is kinda dumb – see my size rant in the first bullet.) If you do the same thing in Cambridge, you will get a ticket but you can also fight it and win. And in Somerville it depends on the parking person on duty. Further, if you stop five different meter people you’ll probably get five different stories. The guy I stopped in the BTD truck the other day on Newbury Street told me he hadn’t even heard about the motorcycle meters going into effect in the Back Bay (and these were slated to be in place by July 1).

Finally, hop onto a scooter for a day so you can empathize with owners/operators. Seriously. See how great it is to drive one in the city. See how fantastic it is to get 90-100MPG and have a place to park anywhere you go. Also take a minute to understand that these small vehicles are prone to theft and need to be locked to something – so street hardware and dedicated two-wheel parking zones are necessary. This is the future and Europe has already embraced it. Saves time, saves petroleum, saves money, saves hassles. Get on the stick Boston and Massachusetts – why not embrace something smart for a change instead of focusing on revenue and favors for political friends?

Take a look at some photos and take a minute to share your comments. I’d like to know how automobile drivers feel about scooters – honestly. *Bear in mind, that so many people don’t realize that scooterists need to obey the same traffic laws as everyone else, that there are plenty of scoot riders who buzz around and create a hazard on the roads. I would TOTALLY support increased enforcement of traffic laws for all drivers – cars, scoots and bicyclists (oh, yes, they have to obey traffic laws, too).

What’s your take?

I (I mean someone I know) was looking at the receipt from Atlas Fireworks Factory in Amherst, NH recently and they noticed that many of the explosives on the receipt could have been interchanged with menu items at a Chinese restaurant.

Medium Sunflower
Blossom after Thunder
Family Delight
and the Fountastic Fountain

Anyone you know planning to blow up some stuff this holiday? My hypothetical friend might be shooting off his $340 worth of fireworks at Nantasket Beach in Hull on the 4th.

Leave a comment if you’d like to join him for the excitement.

It might all seem very confusing if you’re here just to read my rants about Sally Struthers’ eating habits or about how a cat will likely pluck your eyeball from your head while you’re sleeping if you’re not careful. But today’s post is tailor-made for this blog.

Blog name = Jeff Cutler’s Bowl of Cheese. Today’s topic = cheese, chocolate, bananas, liquor, and other savory and sweet things in bowls.

That’s right, I had the opportunity to go fonduing and I liked it. The event – called the Fondue of Foodies Tweetup – was held at The Melting Pot restaurant in Boston’s Park Plaza Hotel complex. While The Melting Pot Restaurant company boasts more than 145 franchise locations in 37 states, this event was intimate, inspiring and fun.

Do you know how fondue is done? I didn’t. I just figured you went to the restaurant and sat down at a table. Then, after taking a look at the menu you would choose your food and it would show up all bubbly and molten in front of you. Not so. It turns out that the servers prepare the food right in front of you and the meal can last up to 3 hours.

But that’s a good thing. Chocolate on rice crispy treats; cheddar on apples; bleu cheese trio on cauliflower; all the items were really delicious. Here are some photos…

And there was also a little bit of drinking. They had red and white sangria as well as other assorted beverages. Then we got to taste some ice wine from a winery out off of Rte 2 in Massachusetts. Now, ice wine is made with the frozen grapes (or apples as we had last night) so the alcohol content is higher than normal, but it retains a supreme drinkability because it’s also more concentrated and sweeter. Some people even would use the Apple ice wine we had last night as the flavoring in the oft-overlooked drink of the century – the AppleTini.

What was my take on the night? I liked it.

Would I go there again? Yes, but mostly because I want to try it in a less public and more relaxed setting to see if I can satisfyingly fill my pie hole and bottomless pit with fondue and not get bored with the offerings. I was told there are some meat dishes on the menu as well, so I might be OK. Here’s a list of what I tried Monday night.

Spinach Artichoke Cheese

Fiesta Cheese – lager beer, Mexican herbs and spices

Cheddar Cheese

Wisconsin Trio Cheese – Fontina, Butterkäse and Buttermilk Bleu

Traditional Swiss Cheese

The Original – milk chocolate and crunchy peanut butter

Bananas Foster – white chocolate swirled with bananas, brown sugar and cinnamon

Cookies ‘n Cream Marshmallow Dream – dark chocolate and marshmallow

Flaming Turtle – milk chocolate, caramel and pecans

Pure Chocolate – dark chocolate

In all, I found something to like in all of them. If you know me, you know I’m good with most cheeses. But I’m not a big dark chocolate fan and I have some disdain for doing odd things with peanut butter. I am fatter today, by the way.

Have you ever done fondue – at home or out? And what’s your opinion of this craze?

More to come…

Why?

Because I’m not an amateur crastinator, I’m a PROFESSIONAL Crastinator.

If I could get folks to pay me for putting off recycling, making the bed, doing my oil changes, filling out my taxes and mowing the lawn, I’d be so rich I would be able to pay people to do all those things. Come to think of it, I do pay some people to do some of those things. But that’s the nature of being a professional – I’m going about this in a business manner. I am a pro.

“Couldn’t you just do that work now instead of blogging or podcasting?” asks the chorus of stable voices in my head.

Not really. How else am I going to keep the masses happy with my creativity? How else will I keep the Google juice flowing to the blogs and stave off the attacks of one local Jeffrey Cutler who writes only about sneakers and white kicks, but seems to find a place in my Google Alerts almost daily? And how else am I going to maintain my sanity?

Working too hard is the antithesis of balance. This balance – preached by friend CC Chapman – is something he sees as necessary. Work hard when you must, but make time for yourself too. In a recent podcast he talked about how ‘making time’ to do things isn’t all that difficult. You just have to do it.

He’s right you know. If you want the recycling arranged properly, take a minute to do that. Will eat up about four minutes, but how much happier will you be when it’s done?

I LOVE LOVE LOVE making lists and crossing stuff off. CC does the same thing, but I suspect he’s a little more realistic with his lists. I make a list like this…

So there might be something on there that doesn’t require a whole lot of work…but it’s an accomplishment and allows me to maintain my PRO status as a Crastinator.

Even writing this post now and recording this as a podcast are making me more energized. In fact, I will share with you a secret that’s not really a secret if you’re a good manager or business person.

If you want something done, give it to the person who is too busy to do it. Seriously. They are so busy that they will plow through their work more efficiently than the interns you’re constantly searching for. And they’ll probably do the job better because their skill at dual-tasking* is honed to a razor-sharp edge.

*Dual-tasking is my interpretation of the word multi-tasking. None is really true if you talk to physiologists and others who study the human brain. We can work on ONE thing at a time. We might keep dashing away mentally to other tasks for milliseconds, but we cannot actually do two things at once.

With that said, I’ll be going now. I have a lot more items on my plate to ignore and my little brain won’t be able to be effective at doing so if I’m spending all my time being productive here.

Until next time, I’m Jeff Cutler for Bowl of Cheese.com.

How do you Crastinate? Comments welcome.

I think this is a photo from my friend Eric who was scooting across the Rocky Mountains. With him are a bunch of motorcyclists and some scooterists.

Someday….

Emmi – from It’s a Man’s World – took the time to reserve a clothier and a photographer and videographer. Then she went to work on me. Here’s the video – ‘nuf said!

Emmi Versus the Spiderman from Todd Randolph on Vimeo.

More to come…